celebration or consolation

okay, so here's the thing... today i left my students for the first time in the care of a substitute teacher while i went to be moral support for a dear friend going through a messy marriage break up. when i wasn't clock watching, frettin over what my students might or might not be doing, i was busy supporting my friend as she prepared to give "embellished" testimony about the last years of the marriage's death convulsions. i had already planned to take her and another gal out to lunch or dinner depending on how long we were in court. not to worry, within 27 minutes the judge saw through the lies of the dog she's married to and decreed that his motion for marriage dissolution would not stand. so they are still married and now he must pay her health insurance, she has great need of this, and also will soon be coughing up spousal maintenance. so the three of us enjoyed a huge diner celebratory brunch.
the fact that she is still married to the dog is exactly what she wanted ; keeps him from being able to pursue a deeper relationship with his tart , as she so fondly refers to his reason for wanting a divorce, and enables her to keep health insurance while she takes her time to rebuild her world.
why am i choosing this circumstance to write about, you ask ? ah ha, cause she will tell you that i am her inspiration for settling this way. i am still married to um, well, never mind what i call him, let's just say that for more than a decade i have done what i wanted, when i wanted, with whom i wanted, and still have health insurance that i don't pay for. the only thing i can't do is remarry and excuse me, but after two strike outs who in their sane mind wants to try for number three. oh yes i did tell her there would be times when she would wish there were absolutely no ties to the dog but they come with more and more time between them as the months pass.
yuppers, i've come a long ways since leaving my "ex". i have allowed myself to pursue my interests, to put me first, to acknowledge that yes indeedy it's okay to be selfish. i value my independence. oh but it's not true full independence you chime in. and yes, that's true. but ya know, not worrying that what is okay today, is not tomorrow, not worrying about how many dinners will splatter the kitchen wall rather than be eaten, not worrying that there arent enough legit medications in the known world to get me through this marriage til death do us part... and the list goes on. oh there are still cloudy moments, reflex reactions to circumstances, and moth eaten baggage but all in all...leaving the known for the unknown was a wise, very wise move indeed those years ago. and in this day and age, if i have to keep the piece of paper that reminds me of one of the happiest worst days of my life, then so be it, cause i gots health insurance, baby. i gots health insurance.
and so for my friend i wish the same, that soon she processes and accepts that she is now on top of the mountain, controlling not only her destiny, but to a certain extent his also. that yes there is indeedy dry fertile land on the other side of the swamp. she's trudged through the deepest murkiest part, now she just has to wade slowly to shore, shake off the excess, and let the sunshine dry and warm her thoroughly, then she can get about the business of planting the seeds of a new life, a different life, a centered life.
yup, it'll be an adventure watching her reinvent herself.
oh and my students, well i am sure they did just fine without me and will have all kinds of stories for me when i see them tomorrow.